My Instagram feed shared some great pictures of the new class of 1st years starting at Duke Divinity School. They were enjoying food, shaking hands, getting name tags, and doing first day of graduate school stuff. Later that night it hit me…twenty years ago I was doing that. T..W..E..N..T..Y.. years ago!
My age doesn’t get to me. I don’t really care that I am 42. I’ll say it loud and proud. However, the thought I was entering the middle of my ministerial career, or really did a few years ago, did evoke me to take pause.
I graduated from Duke Divinity School on my 25th birthday. The day after I turn 45, in just three years, I will be closer to my retirement (if I retire when I am 65 of course) then I will be to my seminary days. That is hard to believe. What makes it hard is that it doesn’t feel like 20 years ago.
I am not sure what I was expecting life and ministry would be like 20 years after stepping into the shadow of Duke’s chapel. I do remember running from the idea of local church ministry. I do remember feeling completely unworthy and unskilled to be a pastor, preacher, or minister. I do remember God was calling me to this place, but I just didn’t understand why.
20 years later I have served three churches in England for a year and finished up my first year at my fourth appointment. I am married with two kids, one of which is now a teenager. Life has happened. Ministry has happened. God has moved in me, used me, spoke through me, and continues to transform me.
This picture (taken during my second year) has always been in my office all the while and it is from the graduate student camp out for Duke Men’s Basketball tickets. We are around a flag my mother-in-law created and hung at the house my roommates and I rented for the last two years. This is just a small number of people who I met at Duke. Some are pastors, some are not. Some do ministry in local churches, some for the denomination, some for the divinity school, some are doing other things. There are some who I see in the carpool line at my kid’s school.
I can still mentally put myself in the classrooms at Duke, hearing the voices of my professors Hauerwas, Willimon, Wainwright, Efird, Hall, Storey, and others. I reminisce about basketball games, bonfires, Thursday night dinner club watching “Friends,” late nights of reading and writing, midnight frisbee, hard exams, and laughing with wonderful friends.
I am writing this behind a desk, in a church office, when I probably should be finishing my sermon for Sunday. Something I completely enjoy doing and feel called to do in the depth of my soul. However, it was something I ran from my three years in seminary. I distinctly remember going to Duke chapel, sitting on a hard wooden pew, and finally giving in to my calling to the local church. I fought God because I hated to speak in front of people. I didn’t feel capable of being a leader. I didn’t feel like I could do it. Through vigorous theological education, deep prayer, and powerful Field Education experiences, I gave in to God’s call and I have never regretted, even when it has been SO VERY HARD.
20 years ago, this week, I didn’t know what I was walking into when I passed under the stone archway of the Divinity School. My life has never been the
I am thankful for the life-long friends I met there who still pray for me, do ministry with me, and who I could call at any hour of any day to talk and share life with. It was an amazing three years at Duke Divinity School. As I continue to look forward now, who knows what the world and church will look like but I do know for certain God will still be God.